After taking a very long break from this to focus on my pottery, I’ve decided to write again. 2019 has brought me several “successful” STI checks, a pregnancy scare (turns out I’m not a woman) and a hell of a lot of nose picking. Fortunately the Autumn air has inspired me to write again.
Last week, while contemplating the meaning of life on my sofa, I whacked on the House of Commons debate and watched several hours of British politicians debating the issues, putting forward their political points and hurdling large quantities of shit at each other. When I tried to discuss this with other people, I quickly realised that, in fact, not everyone watches parliamentary debates for several hours
Liz – “I’m so fucking sick of Brexit and Trump. That’s all the news is now. Brexit and Trump. I’ve stopped following it”.
Despite having a face that only a mother would love, Liz is one of my dearest friends. Whenever I write, she frequently likes the comment on Facebook and says “Well done”, but I suspect she never reads anything I write. This shall be a good test. Liz represents a lot of people who have become disconnected, disillusioned and frankly just bloody bored of politics. The fear with this is apathy isn’t just a country in Asia, it’s also dangerous. So I decided to write a series of blogs and posts and comments about Brexit and Trump to get people reading about it again.
Everyone – “I’m not reading that. Good luck. But I prefer it when you stick to less serious topics. There’s too much shite about those topics in the news anyway. No one cares what you think”.
I decided to listen to what people were saying. Not because I agree, but because I want to be popular. So instead, here’s all the news last week WITHOUT Trump and Brexit. And don’t worry, I promise never to write about either issue unless it’s a really dry week for news.
It’s almost hard to believe that the hundreds of other countries, environmental problems, scientific discoveries and celebrities have been doing anything in light of these two issues. So let’s start by focusing on two other things that happened last week.
After mastering the art of socialism, 1970’s disco music, and industrial furniture making – the great nation of Sweden turned its attention to climate activism and created Greta Thunberg. Answering the question that has plagued philosophers for centuries, “what can I do?” – Greta’s response seems to be “Watch this Bitches”.
Having rocketed to international icon status in a matter of months, Greta’s message of hope, motivation and anger has struck a chord with millions of youths around the world. Her protest started in her native country when she refused to go to school as an act of defiance against corrupt corporations and governments who continue to pollute to turn profits. Greta addressed the UN last week, with a passionate speech about how we are not doing enough.
Using simple language and sounding as if she was just about to cry, her speech was watched by million around the world.
You know you’re making a difference when the bucket you poo into has become a media sensation. Even Kim K can’t claim that. Nothing I’ve ever pooed into has become famous.
Some however, are not in love with Greta’s message. An Australian newspaper was quick to note – that “she doesn’t have a PhD and knows nothing about macroeconomics”. While a British newspaper called her “a pigtail with special needs”. So it seems she has a great ability at highlighting the ills of human nature far beyond the environment. A local Irish broadcaster said “shouldn’t she just go home and watch a movie”. I mean, that kinda highlights the problem with Irish parenting
“Dad. I’m not gonna go to school today. I’m gonna inspire millions of people to do more to bring us back from the edge of extinction. I’m gonna go the UN and speak in front of the world’s most powerful people.”
“Ah Greta, love, shut up and put on The Simpsons there. I’ll make you a sandwich. Go on… go on. And stop going on about the climate. Tis boring!”
In other news, Saudi Arabia announced to the world that it was open for business. Yes, the largest producer of oil in the world invited the world to come and visit its beautiful sights. The world, it seems, said “Ah thats OK, we’re fine thanks”.
In an effort to modernise the country, remove its dependency on oil and make us think it’s a bit normal – the country for the first time in almost 20 years will begin issuing visas for tourists.
So, is it worth it? The 25 minutes I spent there were alright. The airport has some sandwiches… so yeah I guess it is. The country boasts 5 UNESCO sites which are pretty impressive from a smaller version of Petra in Jordan to a really old gate and palace. The only thing is, they’re like ridiculously far away from each other and you’d have to be a bit weird if you’re wandering through the desert in blistering heat and you think to yourself “Jesus I’d love a bit prehistoric art, right now.” But they also have the Red Sea which is named after Saudi’s only ginger explorer.
What about women?
Good question, yeah the logic that women can do anything a man can do hasn’t really reached this part of the world yet. The country is moving in the right direction – women can drive and leave the country but only with their husband’s permission. Again, bloody punishing single people! The government has said women visiting should dress modestly but don’t have to wear the full veil. I’m not sure if men can wear it because I look absolutely stunning when I’m completely covered. It’s a look that really suits me. Also, single female travellers are allowed to apply for visas. That’s great isn’t it? In Dublin, I saw a woman unaccompanied a few weeks ago. She was in the supermarket and got a head of lettuce. She seemed fine. A friend of mine also saw a woman walking on her own a while back and it was raining and she had an umbrella and yeah, she was alright. So there’s probably a bit of truth in that. Woohoo.