Following on my success of writing the Highs and Lows of 2018 for Ireland ( I literally broke the internet and went viral faster than Ebola), I decided to do the same thing for the planet. I’m global like that. CNN, Fox News and even the BBC all report that stories involving Trump got the lion’s share of readership. One morning he farts, the next he’s a racist, then attacks a journalist. But apart from the sexiest US president ( ever!!! ) and the doom and gloom of Brexit, what else happened this year.
January – BEST
TICK TOCK… TIME’S UP
The first day of the year saw the start of the Time’s Up movement – an organisational response to the Weinstein scandal and #MeToo movement. Time’s Up has attracted over 800 volunteer lawyers and raised over $22 million in the fight against sexual harassment in Hollywood and in the United States. Founded by celebrities – many decided to wear black to the various music and film events in Hollywood over the following weeks which is about as useless as me forwarding a tweet to help the environment. Still though, Oprah gave a great speech at the Golden Globes about Time’s Up which prompted many to think she was going into politics. YES OPRAH. DO IT.
February – WORST
WORST GUN SHOOTING IN US HISTORY
On February 14, 2018, a gunman opened fire at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida, killing seventeen students and staff members and injuring seventeen others. Tragically this would be the first of a series, making this the worst year for high school shootings in the history of the United States and this event having the largest fatalities, surpassing the Columbine High School massacre that took place on April 20, 1999.
Events like this are rapidly becoming commonplace in the United States but Republicans and the NRA are showing no signs of tightening gun control law which locals often view as the source of the problem. . Although it seems counterproductive to point the finger to anyone other than the gunman – stories flooded the news in the weeks after the event with headlines claiming FBI agents were tipped numerous times about the potential danger of the assailant – Nikolas Cruz. Arrested with 17 counts of premeditated murder and 17 counts of attempted murder, police and prosecutors have still not yet offered a motive.
March – WORST
PUTIN POOED POOED THE PUBLIC …… AGAIN
Vladimir Putin wins the democratic election in Russia. Hang on – I forgot about the comma’s. Putin “wins “ the “democratic” “election” in Russia. You know, when I was a kid, I would run a race against the other kids at school – and stab them in the leg with a pencil until the pencil broke. Oddly, I often used to come first and if anyone ever beat me, I would cry about it until I got a medal anyway. This effective way of winning is known as the Putin method.
He managed to secure 76% of the vote with over 56 million people voting for him. That’s 18 years in the job now and I’m gonna be honest, what’s not hot about a former KGB agent and a man who wrestles bears in his spare time. He has that kinda hotness that makes me just want to cook him a big steak and ask him how is day at work was. But I can’t – I know I can’t. Coz he’s a dictator. Damn it.
April – It’s a tie. I can’t decide which is better. BEST
NICE TO FINALLY MEET YOU
On April 27th the Inter-Korean Summit took place. This followed on from the diplomatic success of having a single Korean team for the 2018 Winter Olympics in February. The meeting took place in the South and when the two leaders met, it kinda reminded everyone of Brokeback Mountain. Gayness aside, this event is perhaps the most significant political event of the year and marks the first time a North Korean leader has ever set foot in the South. The gesture was quickly mimicked as Kim Jong-un invited President Moon to cross over the 38th Parallel into the North. It was one of those few occasion where a step really meant so much – like the man on the moon or when Gaga came out of that egg thing at the Grammy’s.
ZUCKERBERG EXPLAINS THE INTERNET
Also in April, the world laughed as poor co-founder and CEO of Facebook Marky Mark had to answer questions from 44 senators at a joint hearing before the Senate Judiciary and Senate Commerce, Science, and Transportation committees
Zuckerberg’s behaviour had nothing to do with all the attention the event got If anything, he would have preferred notto make the news. More notable were the questions the senators asked, which were, at times, inconsistent or confused and poor Mark had to explain …. the internet.
Sen. Patrick Leahy brought printouts of various Facebook groups (bless the staff member who had to print them) and asked if they were Russian propaganda groups, because as CEO, Zuckerberg obviously reads every single post on Facebook himself. Sen. Orrin Hatch asked how Facebook is able to sustain a business model while running as a free service, and Zuckerberg was barely able to keep a straight face when he responded, “Senator, we run ads.” And boom – we run ads was born. Get your mug, t-shirt or poster today.
May – BEST
WHEN HARRY MET SALLY … NO SHIT .. .MEGS.
Ah look at them. Will it last? Don’t ask me. I’m single. Harry looked like an absolute ride in that suit. Ok, it’s a bit corny but it’s actually kinda hard to find happy stories and this story made a lot of people very happy. I love the British and they need a reason to celebrate now that their country is going down the shit hole. It was dogged by a fair bit of scandal though apparently Megan’s Dad was trying to sell stories about the wedding to the highest bidder and once Buckingham palace found out they went feckin mental and then Megan’s Dad like wasn’t there because he was “sick”. Yeah, dodgy sleazebag syndrome…. it seems.
What’s kinda funny is all the stories that have come out since then – apparently Megan and Kate are like totes not getting along . Oh. My. God. Still, everyone loves a good wedding and you know Philip went around and racially insulted EVERYONE.
June – BEST
GERMAN G FORCE AT THE G-7
Merkel is here explaining how to make the perfect schnitzel and Trump is like – eh no Angela, shut it, a steak is better.
Taken on June 9th at the G-7 summit in Canada – this picture blew up online. There’s some other people in it – a French guy, a Japanese dude and a mystery grey haired British woman but who cares. I’m here for the tension. I hope the next summit we get pictures of them pole-dancing or videos of them rapping.
July – BEST
WATER WATER EVERYWHERE BUT NOT A DROP TO SPARE
Every story on this list will pale in comparison to this one. Have you ever thought – what would happen if we discovered alien life? What would we do? How would we react? Well, probably, we wouldn’t care. Because aliens don’t release seminal albums, they don’t have Instagram and don’t make racist tweets. In July, I’m sure Trump said something and Kim K did something but we also discovered water on Mars.
A lake – in the south pole about 1.5km under the surface. It was announced on the 25th of July and is probably one of the most significant discoveries to human civilisation since I decided to come out of the closet.
August – WORST
NO WEDDINGS AND TWO FUNERALS
This month saw two high profile funerals of musician and legend Aretha Franklin and politician John McCain. Humm, which one of these were you more upset about? The queen of soul passed away at the age of 76 and had suffered from health issues in the last few years of her life.
McCain had grabbed a lot of media attention in recent years and last for being a huge critic of Trump despite being in the same political party. That kinda made me like him.
September – BEST
INDIA LEGALISES GAY SEX
Well that didn’t stop me last year when I was there… But still, while LGBT people around the world are campaigning for marriage rights, civil rights or simply the right to exist without being thrown in jail – this law will directly impact the lives of millions of gay people in the world largest democracy and perhaps pave the way for greater rights in the future.
October – BEST
BREAKING THE BANK FOR ARTS SAKE
If you had to save one celebrity from a stampede of homosexuals after a Eurovision party which one would it be? Mine’d be Banksy. The man makes art and life interesting and just like an indestructible grandfather keeps coming back and back again with new life. So, if you don’t know, here’s the story. The Girl With Balloon was sold at an audition house and due to go to the new owner, but instead, the moment it was sold- it was fed through a shredder that Banksy revealed he hid into the frame. So someone just bought a shredded painting. Love it. I mean, if ever there was an F you to capitalism. Going once, going twice, sold… .shit it’s shredding itself.
The story is far from over as the Sotheby’s auction house weights up its options. Technically, once it went under the hammer, Banksy destroyed someone else’s property. Do you care? I don’t. If you have $1 million dollars to spend on art you don’t have my sympathy. Feck it, it’s not like it was a brand new set of false teeth for Aunty Betty was it.
November – WORST
COMIC BOOK KING PASSES AWAY
At 95 years of age Stan Lee was considered by many as a giant among men in the comic book world. His characters have become some of the most recognised and adored symbols of pop culture today. A creative powerhouse, Lee transformed his family’s publishing business into one of the most successful companies in the world. His death created an out pour of well-wishes and sadness as million of people learned, identified and indeed celebrated the creations of Stan Lee. Going strong since the 1940’s Stan Lee created or co-created the following characters – Spider-Man, the X-Men, Iron Man, Thor, the Hulk, the Fantastic Four, Black Panther, Daredevil, Doctor Strange. I owe my childhood to many of his creations.
December – WORST
INDONESIAN VOLCANO DISASTER
With 13% of the worlds volcanoes – Indonesia is an active place indeed. The last month of 2018 ended with one of the worst natural disasters. Anak Krakatoa has lost almost two thirds of it’s size due to this eruption which has killed almost 500 people and left thousands more homeless and destroyed ecosystems. The full extent of the damage can’t be accessed as the volcano is still erupting.
This is also the region that saw the largest volcano eruption in history in 1813. It was so loud that it could be heard in Perth, Australia and literally made everyone within a 200 mile radius, deaf.
Start 2019 with a positive bang and click the link below to donate to those who have lost their homes and families as a result of the deadly aftermath tsunami
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